I am afraid to say

I am afraid to say…

I think I’m still in love with my boyfriend from Year 8 and I’m afraid of having those moments when I look back in the past and feel like this is true. Every other day, he’s this guy who was a jerk and kissed sloppily (although apparently I was pretty good), and he’ll always be “that guy”. The one who pressed a fist against the mouth, puffing out his cheeks, just when I thought I was changing my mind about him. The one who said “I love you” while my back was turned and then just smiled at me and kind of laughed like it was a joke when I looked at him. (This was when I taught him the “fist to mouth, puff out cheeks” thing).

The one who was the class clown, making people around him laugh, and he was the star of the show and I was the lead actress.

The one who I couldn’t trust, who I should’ve ignored completely in the first place.The joke’s on me. Thinking about him six years later and even worse, thinking about intermediate. That’s not only the worst, it’s low. Where are my standards?

Maybe I’m desperate for love, which I see everywhere around me, yet I’m single and unemployed. Yes, maybe what I’m really afraid to say is that I think I’ll always be single, though my job life will improve, but I’ll never marry, never have kids and there’ll never be someone who would take interest in me, except for that ugly-haired, smirky grin, really annoying 13 year old boy.

There is something that tops those two fears. I love Disney movies and enjoy watching fairy tale movies, but if I am a hopeless romantic, if I believe in true love or love in first sight, shoot me now. Ack.

You’ll still go to jail for my murder because I’m young, bright and healthy, but at least it would stop me from having my head in the clouds. In that case, I’ll exempt you from jail and just haunt you for the rest of your life.

Hear me out all you ladies, the only kind of prince charming, is the Prince Charming in Shrek. And the only real kind of Prince charming, is Shrek in the movie Shrek.

I hope I’m not writing like those love sick teenagers who write love letters instead of real stories. If my writing this makes you feel sick, basically, this song “No” by Megan Trainor is how I’m feeling. (cover by Pentatonix)


Other related posts of the same prompt:

H is for Harrisham rhyme-ladyleemanilla


sevenling: silence/9

Prompt-Your turn

If you have written a post for this prompt ad want me to do a pingback, please say so in the coommebts below and I’ll do that for you.

Also, if you haven’t already done the prompt, I suggest y’all do it now, whether you’re doing nanowrimo or napowrimo. Yup, that’s a thing.

credits for the prompt goes out to napowrimo

Now for the actual prompt: Have you ever had an ex who you coudn’t get rid of in your mind and memories? What did you do, and were you able to get rid of him/her in the end? Let me know in the comments below.


3 thoughts on “I am afraid to say”

  1. I am here, you are there
    Miles apart, half of the world
    We have to cross the seas and lands
    We have to endure the storms coming
    You are there, so far away, unreachable
    I say this, you say that, misunderstanding
    Hard to communicate, different opinions
    Upsetting one another even not intentionally
    Causing pain in the heart and soul, shattering
    Over the mountains, through seven seas
    Enduring the pain, winter, spring, autumn
    Summer comes, is there a flicker of hope?
    Can we overcome the hurdles, the storm?
    I don’t know, I really don’t know…


    1. This is really good poetry. It speaks to me about my experiences that I have faced as well as my overseas relatives who I miss a lot (and don’t always see eye to eye). Thanks for this.

      Liked by 1 person

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