On life, failures and human interactions

Greetings all,

There comes a time in one’s life when one thinks;

If I could live by myself on earth with no one else around me, I think I’d live a happy life.

Of course, I don’t always think this way but the truth is, I don’t like and am not good at human interactions. This is why I prefer to blog rather than vlog. I like to read about how to do things rather than watch a video in which the speaker talks and talks. She may be going really fast but that’s all part of the annoyingness of the whole video.

I don’t like human interactions. I also am not good at them which probably explains the former statement.

I’m not going to get into all of it right now because it’ll be too long for one blog post and too heavy for my “first post in a long time” blog post. Onto failures.

I am studying to be a teacher and had a practicum in June for 4 weeks, term 2, weeks 6 to 9. I was in an intermediate school or middle school. I liked the students, teachers and the school. But I failed my assessment from my visiting lecturer. Twice.

You’d think it wouldn’t be because of my lack of skills at human interactions with the visiting lecturer. After all, she has a checklist much like a driving instructor, when one goes to take his or her driving test. There’s a checklist. It’s clearly objective and nothing to do with whether or not the visiting lecturer likes or hates you. But I’m afraid prejudice and biasness still somehow comes into play here.

Again, I’m not getting into the details here. Truthfully, I may never will because not only is failing at something embarrassing, but for it to be something I see as “You’ve got to make an effort to fail in order to fail”, it’s just not something I want to talk about.

Even if it wasn’t that hard to fail (and trust me, I wasn’t trying), I was assessed on my teaching and failed. So basically, it means that I’m not a good teacher and I can’t teach. I don’t know what to do. It feels very over my head.

I still want to be a teacher. It’s mainly because I’m in my second year, I’m not going to change majors and study something else, and because I have to finish. So, I will get the qualifications even if I don’t end up using it.

But I hope I do use it one day. Just right now, I feel really disheartened and concerned, full of doubts about being a teacher. In saying all this, I actually do feel a little bit encouraged just by the fact that despite my doubts about myself, I’m still going to pursue what I really want. I think it’s because of this failure at my practicum, that is why I want to have a good teaching experience and be a good teacher even more now.