80 recovered from covid 19 NZ


Dear diary,

I read on the news that in NZ, 80 or so people have recovered from the virus. It should fill me with happiness. We have proof that we can overcome this. Even if we get the virus, that doesn’t meant we’re going to die.

But somehow, one bad news outweighs any good news that we could recieve. What I’m talking about is, we have had a death in NZ. The death toll is 1 which I know sounds pathetic and even laughable. Except it’s not. Except that one death makes this virus thing, NOT laughable at all, but real. It’s real. It’s here.

There are times when I still think of my nieces and nephews, and how they’re so lucky to not go to school. I guess it takes something like this for me to realise that, despite its flaws and difficulties, school is a priveledge. It’s something I’ve taken for granted. I think I’m not alone in that. Yes, education is a human right. But school is a priveledge. That’s something, I think, for me to hold onto when we’re out of the lockdown.

I don’t know why bad news always stay with me. We have 80 people who had the virus and are now recovered. And yet, it’s that one case that didn’t recover that really hit the hardest.

We should want good news, seek for it. But I guess maybe it’s because we’re not statistics. Maybe that’s why.

So what if 1000 people get the virus and recover? If there’s even one death, that’s one less person on earth, one more funeral to go to (or not be able to go to).

I really hope we can get the all clear to get out of lockdown. I wished it’d be over. And I wished I could do something to help besides staying at home.






I’m back! (a short post)

Hi everyone,

I’m back. Yay!!!

*Throws confetti in the air*

When I had closed my blog, I did it because it didn’t give me joy. Other reasons included:

  1. I didn’t know what to blog about because I still didn’t have a theme
  2. I didn’t have alot of views and it felt lonely to not get any comments
  3. I just didn’t want to do it anymore

As you can see from my reasons stated above, I felt a bit low and disheartened.


I couldn’t delete my blog because I had never stuck at blog writing for a long time. With this website though, I had written over 200 posts. Were they all good quality posts? No. Am I going to eventually delete most of them out of sheer embarrasment. Pro-ba-blee.


I couldn’t delete the whole thing. It had taken too much effort for me to just erase it forever. So I kept it but without any new posts or updates. Finally, I’m back again. And now, with a half-baked idea, I’m glad I can continue from this website instead of having to make a new one.

There’s still one problem: What’s the theme?

Okay, so I’m still figuring out that one. I have a sort-of idea of a theme. And that is to write a diary. My life wasn’t that interesting but believe it not, LOCKDOWN has not actually changed that. I had the idea a while ago to write an online diary that documented by time in lockdown during the corona virus pandemic. I thought it’d be similar to Anne Frank (and yet, not really).

I’m also going to connect my “platforms” together. I’m also on Twitch, a video sharing platform like Youtube but with one big difference. The videos are streamed, not edited.

Another big change is, aside from wriing in “diary-style”, I’m also (still) going to be fairly random and write things that really speaks to me and/or means a lot to me. With a little bit of planning, it won’t be so random after all.

Thank you for your support, keep your self safe and enjoy the lockdown holiday.






Closing for now and thank you

I have some sad news to share. I’m closing my blog at the end of the week. I’ve decided it’s time to move on. It became clear to me when I struggled hard with writing one blog post after another. It didn’t give me joy anymore and it certainly wasn’t fun. It was hard work. I’ve decided to quit at least for now.

The good news is that I’m confident I will be back on WordPress or some other website one day in the future. This is because I love writing, expressing myself and creating. I love this platform and this home. But when I do come back, it’ll be with a plan, with an aim in mind and a vision. I’ll come back with a message. Gee, I hope that doesn’t sound threatening.

Thank you to everyone who have supported me. Thank you for every comment, every view, like and follow. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope we can meet again one day.

Moreover, I want to have a clearer and more specific focus for my blog. I’m going to let this blog sit for another day and create a new one in the meantime. Then, I will close this one for good.

PS: I’d like to note that I’m not someone who quits because she doesn’t like work. I do like work actually because it’s satisfying. No one does easy stuff unless they’re in school and trying to pass the time. My reason for closing my blog is because when you don’t have passion, when you don’t find joy or enjoyment out of what you’re doing, that’s when the ‘hard work’ is not just work, but life sucking. In essence, I want to go on a hiatus and then start again. I hope the next time you see me, I will be the kind of writer I always wanted to be.



On life, failures and human interactions

Greetings all,

There comes a time in one’s life when one thinks;

If I could live by myself on earth with no one else around me, I think I’d live a happy life.

Of course, I don’t always think this way but the truth is, I don’t like and am not good at human interactions. This is why I prefer to blog rather than vlog. I like to read about how to do things rather than watch a video in which the speaker talks and talks. She may be going really fast but that’s all part of the annoyingness of the whole video.

I don’t like human interactions. I also am not good at them which probably explains the former statement.

I’m not going to get into all of it right now because it’ll be too long for one blog post and too heavy for my “first post in a long time” blog post. Onto failures.

I am studying to be a teacher and had a practicum in June for 4 weeks, term 2, weeks 6 to 9. I was in an intermediate school or middle school. I liked the students, teachers and the school. But I failed my assessment from my visiting lecturer. Twice.

You’d think it wouldn’t be because of my lack of skills at human interactions with the visiting lecturer. After all, she has a checklist much like a driving instructor, when one goes to take his or her driving test. There’s a checklist. It’s clearly objective and nothing to do with whether or not the visiting lecturer likes or hates you. But I’m afraid prejudice and biasness still somehow comes into play here.

Again, I’m not getting into the details here. Truthfully, I may never will because not only is failing at something embarrassing, but for it to be something I see as “You’ve got to make an effort to fail in order to fail”, it’s just not something I want to talk about.

Even if it wasn’t that hard to fail (and trust me, I wasn’t trying), I was assessed on my teaching and failed. So basically, it means that I’m not a good teacher and I can’t teach. I don’t know what to do. It feels very over my head.

I still want to be a teacher. It’s mainly because I’m in my second year, I’m not going to change majors and study something else, and because I have to finish. So, I will get the qualifications even if I don’t end up using it.

But I hope I do use it one day. Just right now, I feel really disheartened and concerned, full of doubts about being a teacher. In saying all this, I actually do feel a little bit encouraged just by the fact that despite my doubts about myself, I’m still going to pursue what I really want. I think it’s because of this failure at my practicum, that is why I want to have a good teaching experience and be a good teacher even more now.


Sri Lanka, terrorists and pure angst

It’s been a week since the Sri Lankan terrorist attack. I’m sorry for being late in publicly condemning this cowardice act of terror. My thoughts and prayers goes out to the families who have been affected. Who haven’t been affected by terrorism?

Terrorist attacks are now more frequent than before. Although I’m still sad, but my reaction has gone from fear and sadness, to great Great anger.

Who do they think they are?

It’s madness, it’s horrible and on all days, it had to be on Easter.

My heart is heavy with sadness, sorrow and a feverish anger. Terrorists must be stopped at all costs. I don’t know what we can do about it but I just wanted to voice out my strong feelings on this.

It grieves me that the world has come to this. All the money, glamour, and Netflix can’t hide away the very big problems that we have. Terrorism, kidnapping, murder, rape, human trafficking and suicide. There are more problems that we have than just this small list. It’s got to stop. I don’t offer solutions but I just want to shout out to someone or something to stop the madness.





Camp April nanowrimo update: It’s not looking good

My book for camp April Nanowrimo is not looking too good. I haven’t been working on it since the first day. On the first of April, I wrote a lot of words, like, 6,000 words in two sessions. It was awesome. I was tired and I thought I’m definitely not doing this every day. And I didn’t.

Back then, I was writing a story called, “Lizarm”. But over this last week, I have been working on a different story. It’s the very first story that I tried to write 9 years ago when I decided I wanted to become a writer. I wrote a list of all the ways I had failed in the past, getting my inspiration and motivation from the wise words of Edison.


That made me feel better. It felt more like a science experiment, using the PPDAC cycle, rather than writing an impossibly long story.

I’ve written 6,000 words in the past week but I haven’t added them to my word count on the Camp website. This is because I’m not counting my words and I’m not looking to win. I’ve been a lot more relaxed that way. I’m still doing camp and enjoying every minute of it. But this time, it’s not going to be about winning. It’s going to be about the quality of the words. -writing something I can actually go back later and edit.

So, I’ve changed course a little bit, and set a course for a different destination than the one I had in mind but it’s all worthwhile because I’m a writer. That’s all that matters.


Give in order to get

I go on Wattpad infrequently. For a social networking site, it can be pretty quiet. I don’t have a lot of readers or friends there but if there’s ever a story in my head, Wattpad is where I go to write and release them. It’s the safe haven for writers and readers.

On the flip side, there’s a lot more activity when I become a reader, not a writer. Through this, I learned that you’ve got to give in order to get.

My reasons for giving are pretty shallow-I want more readers and followers. I’m giving with the intention of getting something in return. I can’t change this about myself or force myself to not want these petty things.

So what’s the solution?

Stop reading because I’m doing it for the wrong reasons?

The only problem with this is as a writer, I do get something out of reading. After all, if you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the tools to write.

stephen king.jpg

But what frustrates me about giving is feeling lonely. Everyone is looking out for themselves. Even saying “Hello” on someone’s wall is always followed by, “please read my book”. They’ll only talk to me if when replying to a comment that I write on their book. When is it my turn to feel the spotlight, the glory, the recognition.

And yet, going undetected can be a good thing. As I’m learning the hard way, I’m not ready to have beta readers. I’m still writing and that’s a long process that takes dedication and intrinsic motivation, not comments and reactions.

Another benefit to giving is that I enjoy the giving. Even as I am frustrated with waiting for my turn that may never come, with waiting for reciprocity that again, might never be realised, I enjoy reading. I’m not reading any stories for the sake of popularity. I’m reading stories that interests me. Stories that are exciting, gripping and turns their own pages.

After I write this post, I’m still going to have my frustrations, my impatience, my loneliness, but I will remind myself that I’ve got to give before I can receive. And truth be told, If I’m not reading a lot, then my writing isn’t going to be so good either.

So, I know this might be cliche, but really, who’s giving who? The reader or the writer?