On life, failures and human interactions

Greetings all,

There comes a time in one’s life when one thinks;

If I could live by myself on earth with no one else around me, I think I’d live a happy life.

Of course, I don’t always think this way but the truth is, I don’t like and am not good at human interactions. This is why I prefer to blog rather than vlog. I like to read about how to do things rather than watch a video in which the speaker talks and talks. She may be going really fast but that’s all part of the annoyingness of the whole video.

I don’t like human interactions. I also am not good at them which probably explains the former statement.

I’m not going to get into all of it right now because it’ll be too long for one blog post and too heavy for my “first post in a long time” blog post. Onto failures.

I am studying to be a teacher and had a practicum in June for 4 weeks, term 2, weeks 6 to 9. I was in an intermediate school or middle school. I liked the students, teachers and the school. But I failed my assessment from my visiting lecturer. Twice.

You’d think it wouldn’t be because of my lack of skills at human interactions with the visiting lecturer. After all, she has a checklist much like a driving instructor, when one goes to take his or her driving test. There’s a checklist. It’s clearly objective and nothing to do with whether or not the visiting lecturer likes or hates you. But I’m afraid prejudice and biasness still somehow comes into play here.

Again, I’m not getting into the details here. Truthfully, I may never will because not only is failing at something embarrassing, but for it to be something I see as “You’ve got to make an effort to fail in order to fail”, it’s just not something I want to talk about.

Even if it wasn’t that hard to fail (and trust me, I wasn’t trying), I was assessed on my teaching and failed. So basically, it means that I’m not a good teacher and I can’t teach. I don’t know what to do. It feels very over my head.

I still want to be a teacher. It’s mainly because I’m in my second year, I’m not going to change majors and study something else, and because I have to finish. So, I will get the qualifications even if I don’t end up using it.

But I hope I do use it one day. Just right now, I feel really disheartened and concerned, full of doubts about being a teacher. In saying all this, I actually do feel a little bit encouraged just by the fact that despite my doubts about myself, I’m still going to pursue what I really want. I think it’s because of this failure at my practicum, that is why I want to have a good teaching experience and be a good teacher even more now.

 

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Sri Lanka, terrorists and pure angst

It’s been a week since the Sri Lankan terrorist attack. I’m sorry for being late in publicly condemning this cowardice act of terror. My thoughts and prayers goes out to the families who have been affected. Who haven’t been affected by terrorism?

Terrorist attacks are now more frequent than before. Although I’m still sad, but my reaction has gone from fear and sadness, to great Great anger.

Who do they think they are?

It’s madness, it’s horrible and on all days, it had to be on Easter.

My heart is heavy with sadness, sorrow and a feverish anger. Terrorists must be stopped at all costs. I don’t know what we can do about it but I just wanted to voice out my strong feelings on this.

It grieves me that the world has come to this. All the money, glamour, and Netflix can’t hide away the very big problems that we have. Terrorism, kidnapping, murder, rape, human trafficking and suicide. There are more problems that we have than just this small list. It’s got to stop. I don’t offer solutions but I just want to shout out to someone or something to stop the madness.

Stop.

 

 

 

Camp April nanowrimo update: It’s not looking good

My book for camp April Nanowrimo is not looking too good. I haven’t been working on it since the first day. On the first of April, I wrote a lot of words, like, 6,000 words in two sessions. It was awesome. I was tired and I thought I’m definitely not doing this every day. And I didn’t.

Back then, I was writing a story called, “Lizarm”. But over this last week, I have been working on a different story. It’s the very first story that I tried to write 9 years ago when I decided I wanted to become a writer. I wrote a list of all the ways I had failed in the past, getting my inspiration and motivation from the wise words of Edison.

edison.jpg

That made me feel better. It felt more like a science experiment, using the PPDAC cycle, rather than writing an impossibly long story.

I’ve written 6,000 words in the past week but I haven’t added them to my word count on the Camp website. This is because I’m not counting my words and I’m not looking to win. I’ve been a lot more relaxed that way. I’m still doing camp and enjoying every minute of it. But this time, it’s not going to be about winning. It’s going to be about the quality of the words. -writing something I can actually go back later and edit.

So, I’ve changed course a little bit, and set a course for a different destination than the one I had in mind but it’s all worthwhile because I’m a writer. That’s all that matters.

 

Give in order to get

I go on Wattpad infrequently. For a social networking site, it can be pretty quiet. I don’t have a lot of readers or friends there but if there’s ever a story in my head, Wattpad is where I go to write and release them. It’s the safe haven for writers and readers.

On the flip side, there’s a lot more activity when I become a reader, not a writer. Through this, I learned that you’ve got to give in order to get.

My reasons for giving are pretty shallow-I want more readers and followers. I’m giving with the intention of getting something in return. I can’t change this about myself or force myself to not want these petty things.

So what’s the solution?

Stop reading because I’m doing it for the wrong reasons?

The only problem with this is as a writer, I do get something out of reading. After all, if you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the tools to write.

stephen king.jpg

But what frustrates me about giving is feeling lonely. Everyone is looking out for themselves. Even saying “Hello” on someone’s wall is always followed by, “please read my book”. They’ll only talk to me if when replying to a comment that I write on their book. When is it my turn to feel the spotlight, the glory, the recognition.

And yet, going undetected can be a good thing. As I’m learning the hard way, I’m not ready to have beta readers. I’m still writing and that’s a long process that takes dedication and intrinsic motivation, not comments and reactions.

Another benefit to giving is that I enjoy the giving. Even as I am frustrated with waiting for my turn that may never come, with waiting for reciprocity that again, might never be realised, I enjoy reading. I’m not reading any stories for the sake of popularity. I’m reading stories that interests me. Stories that are exciting, gripping and turns their own pages.

After I write this post, I’m still going to have my frustrations, my impatience, my loneliness, but I will remind myself that I’ve got to give before I can receive. And truth be told, If I’m not reading a lot, then my writing isn’t going to be so good either.

So, I know this might be cliche, but really, who’s giving who? The reader or the writer?

 

 

 

 

Lizards, transgenesis and magic

As you know, I’m participating in April Camp Nanowrimo 2019 and I’m working on a story that I’ve already written. But don’t get yourselves in a twist or outrage. It’s not a long story and as much as I do like it, it has plenty of problems.

A lot of problems. You know how I wrote a checklist of things to do before you write? I didn’t do any of that the first time I wrote the story (let’s call it, “first draft”). As a result, I have a huge problem on genre.

My story follows a character named Dustin, who lives in a world different from us human beings. There’s a light side governed by the sun and the dark side, governed by the moon. This is 24/7, meaning that one part of the world never gets evenings or nights and the other part of the world never gets mornings or days. You can see, there’s a bit of fantasy element to the story. But unfortunately, there’s also sci-fi as well.

I mean, of all the two genres to accidentally mix, why did I choose sci fi and fantasy?

Gaaaaargh!

Do you know what Transgenesis means? This is a type of bio-science that does exist on Earth, but in this other world, the science is a lot more advanced. Transgenesis can happen on a whole new level-the “humans” can mix with “animals” creating hybrids. We can also clone “humans” too.

I’m writing like “this” because since this is on another planet, they’re not exactly humans.  Well, except they ARE human-like except for the mutations.

So, not only do I have aliens on another planet who are humans, but I’ve got science that I don’t understand and an under developed world as well. But, these are early days and one point of Nanowrimo is to write as much as possible. It’s about getting it written, not right. My dilemma is then really, that I want to have by the end of this month, a story with lots of wild imagination and crazy ideas, but also a story that I can READ and work with.

The first draft (current story), is small. I can read it quickly, but I can edit as yet because I haven’t finished creating. Anyway, that’s my writing woes at the moment.

Any thought for advice for me?

Maybe if I pushed through, it would be okay to have a fantasy novel with sci fi elements to it. But…magic. Ugh. Should there be magic in there too? I suppose, as long as I would read this story, it’s okay if not one else does. Haha. If it fails, I’ll post the story here, for a good laugh and to let you all in on what NOT to do when writing a story.

 

 

 

 

 

ten days into Camp Nanowrimo, here we go!

Hi all! I’m sorry for the late post-Camp started over a week ago. But I thought to dedicate the rest of April to camp. -tips, hints and advice on surviving camp whether you win or lose, and also my mediocre advice on writing.

Seriously folks, you should not be coming to me as first choice for advice on writing. But I’m glad you’re here anyway and I’ll try my best to impart my knowledge and wisdom, without sounding like I’m just saying good common sense that any writer would know anyway. Here we go!

Before you even start to write, you need to tick off everything from the checklist below. It’s best to do these things the week before camp starts but if not, that’s okay. Just do it as soon as possible.

Checklist before you write:

  • set up a profile on Camp Nanowrimo
  • Do you want “cabin mates” or do you like to bunk it alone? -Note on cabins: It’s not really that fun in my experience because everyone’s so busy writing their story that they might not reply to you or give you advice. It’s just generally not really a good time. It’s best if you have friends whom you know and arrange a cabin with them.
  • Set up the story on Camp Nanowrimo-eg. Do you have a title, a little synopsis (optional but interesting), a word count goal. I suggest a range between 20 and 100 K words. I’m attempting for the first time, 100k word count goal because I want my novel to be a fully fledged novel, and because I’m cheating a little bit in that I’m writing on top of a story that I’d already written. (more on this later).
  • What’s your genre? Use this time to research both for the content and plot of your story, but also your genre. If you write in a specific genre, then you have rules to follow. These rules can limit and squash you, but they can also be used as restriction to play around and work with. It depends on your outlook. In my experience, a little direction goes a long way in creativity.
  • Who are your characters? -normally for any kind of nanowrimo, you don’t need to plan a lot, if at all. But it does help in the long run (because it can be a very long and gruelling month), if you have an idea of who you are writing about, why and for what kind of audience. Just saying, it helps in the long run in terms of, getting back on track, concentration and motivation. You will probably trip over yourself at some point this month but with a bit of planning written down, you will have more chance to trip over yourself less.

So there you have it! My quick checklist of things to do before you write. And really, no matter when we write, whether it’s during Camp Nanowrimo or a normal month, we should plan ahead, at least a little bit. We need to have knowledge before we write, otherwise, we’d be using things we’ve seen in the movies. Those movie plots don’t make the best books.

What’s your checklist? Is there anything you would add or take away from the list? What’s your checklist of things to do before you write a blog post?

 

 

Good alternatives to F$%# you

Here are some words that teachers (or anyone) can use when the heat is on and the anger inside you rises up. You don’t want to insult the (annoying, angry-headed, stupid) kid, so instead, you say something that doesn’t offend anyone but they know what you mean. You can teach kids to swear like this too. Well, I mean, it’s best they didn’t know these words but you’d be surprised what they know (and are not supposed to know). This is the better and good alternative for everyone. Well, except for those people who never swear and those on tv.

Good alternatives to F$%# you

  1. Fidget spinners
  2. Brussel sprouts
  3. Tartar Sauce (Credit goes to: Spongebob)
  4. Honey, ketchup and mustard sauce in a salad
  5. Sugar, honey, iced tea
  6. Good lemon squeezers
  7. Shivers
  8. Butterflies, caterpillars, and birds
  9. Losing my marbles when I didn’t have any in the first place because my mother never bought me any
  10. Hop scotchy kazaam

 

These alternatives are designed to help teachers and children to not swear, not offend but still vent out their anger when “I feel” statements are not good or expressive enough in the moment of pure rage and anger.

Most of the words are random, but some of them are meant to be silly, so that anger can be replaced by laughter, when you realised that what you just said was ridiculous.

It may seem crazy, but I have this theory that in the heat of the moment, in the utter most intensity of the crisis or whatever, the best thing to do, is to be ridiculous and laugh.

Example:

I was teaching my year 1 students maths and they were getting a bit restless. I was embarrassed and angry and was about to tell them that (the angry part), when the number board fell off the table and hit the ground. I got such a shock. Then one of the boys-who-had-been-about-to-get-into-trouble, brightened up and laughed. What could I do but smile back and laugh along. What a fumble! But sometimes, you need that. You need someone to fart, or burp, or tell a ridiculous and off topic story, just to get the funny bone going.

A relaxed class is a fun class and students will more likely be able to get more work done than in an intense classroom environment.