what my characters say about my flaws

Flawed

What’s your worst quality?

You know how they say the characters you make are a part of you and show who you are? Even though I’ve made dozens of characters over several books (that are not yet finished), I’ve come to the same conclusion as past writers: That we as writers, really are a part of our character sand our characters shoe who we are to the readers. This is one reason why writing is so personal, because it shows who are our, things that we can’t just tell a stranger, except through fiction and writing.

In saying this, going back tot he question of what my worst quality is:

My worst quality would be that I can get really angry and therefore make impulsive and poor decisions. I get angry at my sisters, my mum, my friends. I once threw a book at my friend while we were having lunch in school. I almost threw her folder in her face as well. At that time, it was for a good reason, okay?

I’m not a horrible person, but let’s just say, there’s no self defense against emotional and mental things, so when someone makes me angry, I retaliate through physical violence or insults. Why not just tell my friend or my sister how I feel? Because ever since I was a little girl, I didn’t talk to people and I didn’t like to talk. This has not changed for me.

However, if I were to see my characters, and their flaws and what their flaws say about me, this is what I would see:

  1. Ellie Monrose like to fight the bad guys through physical violence. She is a lot more stronger than me and actually know how to fight. We are both impulsive and are quick to anger. We have the same flaw, i think, but Ellie has it more extreme.
  2. Peter is an excellent cook. He can make a good omelette and a delicious pancake. He is also a technical whiz and can hack into everything. A flaw that peter has is that he is a perfectionist. Again, he is more of a perfectionist than me, but I also suffer days where i can writer anything, whether it’s my blog, a card to a friend, or a story, just like how peter would. I think I am more calm than peter during these situations, but I can totally understand peter and anyone like him.I have made more characters but here’s one last one:
  3. Max is one of my favourite character of my book. He doesn’t say much if anything at all, but I can relate and understand his silence. It’s not that he’s shy or even that he’s rude, but he just likes the silence. When I write, I find silence no matter where I am, whether in a crowded cafe, or a living room where my sister and her boy friend are watching something on full volume, things like that. He doesn’t speak unless he has something very wise to say that helps the whole team to solved a problem. I wished I could have that kind of influence when I talk…but no, I’m just like all the other chatter boxes. He also likes to run…he’s also really hot.

 

Well there you have it folks! (I can’t believe I’ve called you folks, ha!)

Bottom line, my flaw is that I have a little bit of anger management (but not as bad as Ellie). On top of this, I also have other parts of me that makes me ME, the good and the bad.

No one’s perfect, which I’ve accepted (unlike peter),  but everyday I am constantly trying to be a better person than yesterday. I think this is especially because it’s the holiday season and this year’s christmas is different than the other ones. There are so many presents underneath the christmas tree, my sister from sydney is here with her husband and BABY and oh yeah, we’ve actually got a christmas tree.

 

 

 

 

 

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Palm

Life Line

I sat down in my allocated window seat. It was going to be a long flight. It was ten hours from New Zealand to Singapore. Ten hours! And it was a five hour time difference as well. I popped the pillow over my neck, leaned my chair back just a tad and turned on my E-reader. I never traveled without my kindle no matter where I was going.

A woman with a strong odor sat down next to me. I flicked my eyes up at her for a second, and returned to my E-book. I wrinkled my nose and sniffed. She was smellier than my sister coming home from work in her subway uniform. And it was not a nice smell.

Ding dong.

“Doors are now closing. Ready for take off in 20 minutes,” said the overhead lady in the speaker.

I thought; “thank goodness! the faster the flight, the better,”

But with smelly hippo next to me, I was going to need to save my breathe till i’m in the toilet or a different part of the plane.

Then the smelly hippo turned to me and my nose wrnikeld in disgust as identified by the smell of her breathe.t hat she was a nictotine addict who drank coffee and dunked her cigarette in her morning cofee as wel.

“Let me read your palm,” she said

“no thanks,” i said, refusing at first,  but she insisted and iw anted her to stop talking. So finally, i nodded. i thought, what’s the harm? i’m not going to believe a word she says anyway.

“Hmm,” she said “You are stressed out,”

Well, she got that right. But there was more. She said;

“You are burdened with your work load as well as other people’s problems and work loads. You are carrying too much for a man to bear. A massage will do no good. I’ll only be good for the knots that you have at your shoulders and back. But the stressed won’t go away. What you need, is a palm,”

“What?” I asked, pretending to be confused.

At this point, the smelly hippo looked into the camera and smiled.

“That’s right. You heard me. You need palms. At palms resorts in Hawaii, we have all  your relaxing needs taken care of for you. Forget about work.”

“Or finance,” I said

“Or your dog, cat, fish or squirrel,”

“And just come to Hawaii at Palm resort and spa,”

“And let all your worries got to the sea as you relax in a hammock,” we both said

We smiled for ten seconds into the camera.

“And cut!”

Finally! I let my smile drop and got out of my seat, and away from my co worker who really did smell. I nicknamed her myself; smelly hippo.

The makeup artists touched up my face.

“the sooner I get out of this show biz,” I said “The better!”

“Don’t need a palm reader for that,” the smelly hippo called out from across the room.

Hit the brakes

We often think more than we do. Have you ever said you were going to do something only to find yourself forgetting what it was you were supposed to do, about 20 minutes later? For me, personally, this happens a lot. I love to make lists and every day, I have a To-Do list, of all the things I’m gonna do today. But so often, I only tick two or three things off my list instead of the majority of things.

Now you might be thinking, this is OK. It is normal to be busy and impossible to cram everything that we’ve got to do in one day. But the thing is, the things I don’t do today, I don’t do tomorrow either, or the next day. I only do them when they become urgent, or at the very last moment.

As human beings, we are so caught up in work and our problems that we fail to stop, think and just enjoy the moment that we have right now. We keep trying to multi task when we can’t and we keep trying to do everything in one day, or even in one hour, that we drink more coffee than do work (you know it’s true).

Why does this happen to virtually every adult on the planet? I blame television. The evolution of television, has gone from the aerial on the roof, to digital. And with digital TV and internet TV such as Netflix, lightbox and TV on demand (NZ), we don’t need to wait for a show to come on the TV at a certain time, and we don’t even need to sit through the ads. TV watching has never become so easily assessable and convenient. But where does this lead us?

The consequences of the evolution of TV watching, is that we as humans, spends hours at a time sitting in front of the TV, watching show after show and eating packets of chips after packets of chips. In essence, our brain “rots” inside because we are not exercising our mind. Instead, we are stuck indoors and on our bums, which is harmful to us in many ways.

Another reason why we often do not do things that we want to do straight away, is because we are busy. Have you ever ran through a red light while driving? Ever you ever jay-walked? Or, to put in different words, have you ever got so impatient with waiting, so angry and upset with queuing up that you get impatient and impulsive, reason being that the clock is ticking? This is probably the last thing you want to do in this situation, but it is important to SLOW DOWN.

One day, I was crossing the road and I waited at the zig zag cross line. I heard the engines of a car and I knew it was speeding and wasn’t going to stop. So even though the traffic light turned orange, and cars were slowing down, and I knew the pedestrian green man light was gonna turn on, I didn’t walk. And it’s a good thing I chose not to walk otherwise I would’ve been road kill. That idiot driver sped through a red light while the green man was on. How dangerous is that! Imagine if I was a kid or an old woman, or just someone who didn’t know any better.

Why do we rush things? Maybe it is because we think that to not rush things would be to attempt perfection and everyone puts down perfectionism. Why not just be “good enough”? But good enough doesn’t mean rushing into things, it means doing your best work and effort. So the next time you’re getting angry because you’ve been waiting for too long, or the next time you feel rushed at work to get something done, SLOW DOWN. Hit the brakes. Take a breather, take a walk. Then continue with what you need to do. You’ll feel better for it.

If I (prose)

Pick Your Gadget

If I could pick a future device, from a time machine an anywhere door or an invisibility helmet, I would pick a time machine.

If I had a time machine, I could go back in time and change my past. I’d prevent my mum from falling down the stairs, which would’ve prevented a miscarriage of my younger sister (or brother). The future me would be at home with dad, ready to call the ambulance at the ready, so that he wouldn’t have died. I’d go back to (shudder) intermediate to prevent my past self from giving away my first kiss to a boy who had really bad hair and no abs or muscles. I wouldn’t have sneezed on a baby girl.

But then, I would be living two lives, and I would be burdened with endless possibilities of how my life would plan out to be. The truth is, even with a time machine, i can’t plan or dictate or change my life. Shit happens. life moves on. It’s a cold hard fact, but we need to move on and not go back to the past. That’s how you get 50 first dates (and most likely with the bad hair dude). I think an anywhere door would be better.

If I had an anywhere door, I could go anywhere. Some people would be happy to walk through a door and step into Paris, or Germany, or america. but when i step into my anywhere door, I’d go to Ink heart, The Hundred Acre Woods, Gotham city, The Capitol of Panem. Can you imagine if all these characters in our heads were real people living their own real lives? I’d be so freaked out! I’d want to hide if I ever saw a President Snow doppleganger and the power of invisibility if i ever met the real thing.

If I had an invisibility helmet, I’d walk around without a bra outside the house. I’d be able to change in my room, and not have to worry about people looking in from the window, the part where the curtain is broken. If I had an invisibility helmet, I’d feel like an intermediate girl; back of the class, unmissed, unknown, invisible behind her book, in someone else’s world brought to life by my own imagination.