Hi everyone. Welcome back to my blog. I can’t believe it’s already been a week since I started blogging in 2019. As you might know, I recently finished writing a series on “Why did God make women?” as a response and to clarify a blog post of the same title and from a blog called, “Biblical Gender Roles”. Yup, so…it’s not biased or old fashioned or deluded.
As mentioned in the last episode of this series, I was done with all of this. I thought I was but last night, as I laid in bed, I realized that I wasn’t done. I wasn’t done because I am aware that I’m indoctrinated and probably believe in some lies. So I wanted to clarify a few things that I had written in my last post, to give you my take on the verses that the blog had used to support their argument, and to make clear that I’m not siding completely with Mr Atheist or with the blog. I am on my own side.
Marriage must be built on trust, communication, consent, and respect. We need to humble ourselves and work on our pride problem. Wives must willingly submit to the authority of her husband in the same way that husbands must willingly submit to the authority of Jesus. Another way to put this is everyone must submit under the authority of Jesus as we are part of the bride of Christ and he is our bridegroom.
I agree 100 percent with the first line. I think with any couple, secular, religious or poly, that there must absolutely be trust, communication, consent, respect, and probably other values as well that both partners can agree to be significant in making the relationship work. The problem with Christian relationships is that they tend to take the specific stuff from the bible. They will trust and communicate with each other but specifically, “Wives, submit to my authority!”. They will give consensual sex and have respect for one another but specifically, “Wives, I own you. You are my property and so you must have sex with me whenever I want.”
Wrong. Very and so obviously wrong. No, sorry. I shouldn’t say that it’s obvious because it’s not for some people and not all of those people are stupid.
So I have a problem with my own thinking, from the second sentence onwards. I don’t think I really understand what these biblical phrases mean such as “willingly submit”, “authority”, “in the same way that husbands (that whole sentence), “we are part of the bride of Christ and he is our bridegroom”.
I don’t understand these things even I wrote and believe in them. I don’t understand it well enough to explain it to an atheist or even just to a secular human being.
When I re-read this and I see words like “submit” and “authority”, my feminist self becomes angry like crazy, like menopause crazy.
So, what do I say now? I love how in my AMP footnotes, it says that Paul doesn’t empathize on the husband’s authority. In the same way, we shouldn’t get so hung up over that and actually read the whole chapter. Because further on, Paul writes that one’s husband must love his wife as he does himself. I think it’s interesting to note as well that the footnote (Eph 6:1), mentions how parents must treat their children in such a way that the children will want to obey. This is clearly talking about respect. This is in another chapter but I just liked this advice.
I don’t understand Eph 5, “Marriage like Christ and the Church”. I am still angry and offended even while I’m sure there’s some sort of big picture that anyone can be joyful about. But since I don’t understand right now, I can’t say much on it.
However, if we were to just step outside bible verses and scriptures and what God supposedly say, my advice on marriage is:
- Don’t get married to have sex (or to hug)
- You’re worthy as and equal to each other
- Outside of marriage, you are each your own person
- Have an open communication before getting married about important topics like taking care of children, household chores, and generally, what a good and successful marriage actually looks like to you.
It is significant or is supposed to be significant to get married and to make this decision. It takes a special kind of guy to, first of all, have a woman to willingly “submit”/”tasso” and to also be the leader of his family. This is why I’m not going to get married to anyone but Jesus. And no, I’m not at all thinking of how big his…
Another point I’d like to make (I could point to a few bible verses but I can also say this from common sense), is that wives need to listen to her husband and husbands need to love his wife. If wives tend to want control, then they must fight against that and “let it go”. If husbands tend to act as a tyrant, then they must fight against that and love their wife. But y’all need to stop focussing on women who like control, and start focussing on the responsibilities and expectations of both wives and husbands, females and males.
What I was trying to say in these paragraphs is that, when you’re married or you’ve chosen to be someone for the rest of their life, you’ve got to make sacrifices and compromises. If you’re both strong headed, and you both want to do your own thing, then maybe, be friends with benefits instead of lifelong partners?
So there has to be a sacrifice without sacrificing you or who you are. A lot of this falls on wives. They, without really talking with each other, have or feel like they have the responsibility to clean the house, cook, take care of the husband and children as if they’re both dependent on her, despite one being an adult.
The second paragraph was written after the very smart epiphany that marriage is a pretty serious decision. You don’t get married to someone after being with them for 4 years because 4 years is “long enough to wait”. It’s so much more complicated than the decision to start dating.
If you want to know what your faults are and quick, then get married because your significant other, who you have to share everything with, will not only show you, but point it out. Love one another which means, let go of the idea that you’re always right. I know my brother had to certainly learn this lesson (in order to not be the exact replica of my dad).
The bottom line is, someone who’s controlling and someone who’s a tyrant, will clash and butt heads and even up in divorce. Put love first above your differences and learn to share.
I think my anger when using the words “submit” and “authority” comes from my pride. I need to be humble in order to really see what the bible actually says and how the bible uses these two words. At the same time, these two words disgust me because of how overused and misused they are. I would love to know the original Greek words that the English language have butchered.
To be honest, and in this day and age, if you want a good and healthy marriage, don’t EVER use words like “submit” and “authority”. EVER. (Unless you’re only married to Jesus or you’re in a “sub/dom” situation).
I don’t agree with everything Jimmy says in the video but for what it’s worth…
I think Christians should stop doing or saying stuff “because the bible told them to”, and actually start using their heads to make decisions. Don’t only do stuff because the bible says, but do it ALSO, because you actually agree as a sane, rational and logical person. Jimmy says it better but there you go.
There’s so much more to cover on this and I’ve only scratched the surface. But as I’ve mentioned in my previous post and even in a prayer, I’m sick of this sh**. So I’ll leave it there. Hopefully, one day, I will be able to better understand Ephesians and will, therefore, have a much more compelling and detailed argument against that blog post.
Thanks so much so sticking around. Do you have any thoughts, questions or critiques? Leave all of these things in the comments section below. Did you enjoy this blog post? Hit the like and follow button. Gosh, I wish I could say the word, “button” as cute as Jimmy.
Button. Butt-on. Nope, that’s not it… Button. Got it.