This is a scary question for me as I come to a time (and age) where money and budgeting is something I have to think about. I know that money is important and crucial in order to survive in this world. But I love writing. That is my passion and even when I hate it, I don’t hate it. Writing is my lifestyle. It is a choice and also not a choice.
But I also need to pay the bills. (in the future). I still need money to live, survive, thrive. What if writing never got me to where I want to go? What if there was absolutely no financial gain from writing stories? Even worse than that possibility is, what if no one reads my writing? I don’t become the next J.K. Rowling, I don’t write stories that struggled in the process but eventually thrived like Matilda. I become like Vincent Van Gogh, the worst artist in the world. Or worse-I don’t even become famous after my death.
Vincent Van Gogh lived in the mid to late 1800’s. He was an artist before his time and greatly under appreciated. He certainly didn’t paint for the money. And while there are good benefits for working without the need to impress an audience, it was also lonely. He was misunderstood and eventually was driven to suicide.
The truth is, I’m scared that I’ll never be good enough to make it, to gain the reader audience, to say something worth reading about. And the lack of any social-ness will lead me to quit writing altogether, give up on my dreams and aspirations. And yet…
And yet even as I write these depressing thoughts on the screen, I have this feeling inside me that my story isn’t going to play out like that. You see, even though I lack ambition and confidence, I have other qualities. I am, for lack of a better word, stubborn in my ways. I’ve already learned from my first-hand experience that the biggest obstacle in my way is myself.
Van Gogh’s biggest obstacle wasn’t his “weird” paintings and it wasn’t his loneliness. It was because when he did start to get recognized, he hated it. He suddenly had an audience waiting for his next painting and he couldn’t handle the pressure. It was genuinely never about the money.
But the thing is, in this world, in these times, whatever I do have to benefit me in some way.
I think even if I don’t become very famous or very rich, whatever I do, it will support me and my living. But writing will always be so much more than a paycheck. Writing is my lifestyle. It is a choice and not a choice.
In this post, I’ve expressed my worries and doubts about becoming a recognised and published writer. But does earning money truly equal success? Is there possibly something else even greater than money that makes the world go round? Okay, now that I’ve stirred something inside you, here are a few questions for you.
Do you understand what the message I’m conveying or am I rambling? Am I the only one here or is there anyone here that feels the same way?
Let me know in the comments below. I’d love for you to share your thoughts with me.