Psalm: Where I fall short

This psalm is more of an afternoon prayer but I think you can use this in the morning as well.

 

Lord,

I don’t always pray every night,

I don’t always pray everyday

worse still,

I didn’t go to church today

I can’t wield the bible like a sword,

I even fall short of my own expectations of how a christian should act,

and what a teacher should be like,

 

I rejoice in the Lord,

you made me as I am

no mistakes in your precious handiwork

You love me regardless of what I can and can’t do,

and it is because of the solus of your love,

I can love you back.

 

Jesus,

You are my lord forever,

Jesus,

You are my king who reigns,

Jesus,

Jesus,

Jesus,

Hallelujah and Amen.

 

A/N:

This prayer is short but a little wordy. I would say that it could still be used in the morning, maybe in the later morning or while showering. That is, unless you’re one of those people who are actually awake as soon as your eyes open.

Another thing to note is that this is a personal psalm, hence why there are things that might not relate to you. For example, “What a teacher should look like”, comes from my failures as a leader over children. I noticed that I was controlling and cold. I wasn’t the warm, laid back teacher I thought I was. Instead, I wanted everything perfect and I was greatly disappointed when it didn’t work out like that.

So feel free to customise this psalm if you’re using this as a prayer. What are times when you’ve fallen short of your own expectations?

Something to take away from this psalm, know that when you let yourself down, God still loves you no matter what. Because God loves you (and it is in his love ALONE), that is why we can love him back. He is the reason why we can forgive others and ourselves.

I got inspiration for the second stanza from two scriptures; (paraphrase)

Ephesians 2:10-We are God’s handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do Good Works.

Philippians 4:4- Always rejoice because of God.

Have a blessed day 🙂

Happy Birthday poem

To those of you who were born on this day,

a merry happy birthday to you.

May all your wishes come true

Be filled with happiness and

joy, peace, love.

 

Happy, happy, happy birthday to you,

the Lord bless you, prosper you,

Happy birthday to you

and Happy Birthday to me too!

 

 

 

Laidlaw journey

I thought I’d tell you the story of my journey to Laidlaw College. Get the tissue box ready, it’s pretty sad.

In 2014, I became sick. I was mentally unwell. It’s hard to believe now that I used to be suicidal. I used to want to die. I used to believe that I would by the end of 2014. I know that I believed that because I remembered what it was like, but I can’t connect with the person I was in 2014. I don’t know what she was thinking or how she felt during that time. I only know that it was a dark time.

I once heard or read somewhere that having depression was like having a dark blanket over you. I think it was like that for me. I lived in the dark. No one understood me and my thinking-though logical to me-was deeply irrational.

It’s funny because all throughout my teenage years, I never had a problem with depression or suicide or having too much pressure on myself to do well. I had no school groups, no extra curricular activities and no homework (almost never). But in the last year of high school, when I was “almost an adult”, that was when my brain flipped out.

I guess it was the pressure of suddenly having my whole life in my control. I had to take care of myself. I had to depend on myself more than on my mum. I had a lot of options and didn’t know how to decide. If I made one wrong choice, that was the end of my life.

I won’t give you all the details because it’ll be too much in one post, but I failed Level 3 NCEA. In 2015, I was both lucky and unlucky to be given a second chance at Level 3. This meant going back to year 13 for one whole year. The good news was that I passed Level 3 NCEA. The bad news was that I still think back to that year, and think, “was going back worth it?”

I still don’t know the answer to it. I’m glad I passed, but couldn’t that have been done in less than a year? I don’t know. By the end of 2015, I still wasn’t confident to go to uni. I wasn’t in a good headspace. It was better than 2014, but not good enough for the pressures of uni. I had a gap year and during this time in 2016, went to Australia and Singapore. It wasn’t completely a holiday-I went there with mum to see family.

One thing about where I was at in life, where I was expected to be at that age, and family members with good intentions, is that it doesn’t equal a relaxing holiday. It’s hard to live in a world with people who see the immediate. They see what’s in front of them with no imagination of what’s ahead. I knew great things here ahead of me but at that time, I needed to rest and wait.

But, after the holidays, the Netflix and the nothing, I was bored. So, I decided to enrol myself in NZMA, in a retail Level 3 course. Everyone thought it was a waste of time but I had a vision for myself. It was a vision I couldn’t share with anyone because they’d think I was a day dreamer. As Asians do, they would look at the probability, the cost, my skill set (or lack of) and crush my dreams. I couldn’t let anyone do that.

I didn’t need anyone to tell me I was no good or that I couldn’t do something. I already had enough doubts of my own to deal with. So, like a secret, I held onto my vision, hoping against all rationality, that this was something that could actually work. The course was for 20 weeks, so you could say it kept me busy.

In 2017, I enrolled in Retail Level 4. This was a much challenging course because I had a different tutor. The layout of the course was totally different. I still passed but didn’t learn much. Hopefully that’s not true. I hope I learned something from that. Who knows, maybe one day I can be a tutor there (and re-learn some things).

I was supposed to then enrol in level 5 Business Diploma, which sounds a lot smarter than a certificate, but I decided against it. A new season had arrived and a new passion grew inside me. I wanted to be a primary teacher. I wanted to go to a christian place so I put the two keywords together in the Google search engine and clicked on the first link: Laidlaw.

So thus, began my journey to being a student at Laidlaw College. That’s the very short version of my story. One thing I learned from all these years was that everything that happened, even the bad, all led up to the person I am and where I am now.

What my family members didn’t understand was that, there is a time to work and a time to rest. After graduating school in 2015, it was a time for me to rest. This is something my family probably still don’t understand. I still can hear what they said, echoing in my head, “What are you resting from? You haven’t even started work.”

But for some reason, somehow, I did need a rest and I’m glad I listened to my body and not to “reason. It’s like that saying by Jim Rohn; “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. Guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”

Despite all the nagging, the scolding, the lecturing, I needed to keep to the direction that I knew was right for me. I needed to listen to myself and not be swayed by popular opinion. And as much as I love my family, I’m glad I listened to myself and not to them.

Word of advice: Sometimes we need to rest. We don’t have to be working 24/7 to need a break. It is the rhythm of society’s heartbeat.

 

 

 

 

 

Interns, internships and life lessons

Hi everyone,

This is a boring update on my life. Haha. I’ll try and add something deep and meaningful at the end.

So, a few weeks ago, I applied for an internship and a few days later, I got an interview. Now, I’m not the greatest at interviews. I kind of have that “cool” attitude about me that leads me to reveal way too much, talk way too much and go down all these rabbit holes. When I’m in an interview, I become a different person. It’s almost as if I enjoy talking about myself.

I don’t like talking in general so this was a real surprise that I discovered.

A week or so later, I got a call saying that I’d been accepted to be an intern. I was so happy. Well, okay, I had a lot of emotions going through me. The main one was happiness. After the call ended, this quickly turned into doubt and surprise. I’m shocked they picked me out of the many people who applied. I’m surprised they picked me after everyone I revealed during the interview. I’m pretty sure I implied-and at some point I explicitly said-that I’m not going to be the best intern out of all the interns. And yet, I got the internship.

I’m grateful for this amazing opportunity to learn, grow and also work alongside likeminded people with a common goal and similar interests. I’m not great at team work (which is probably for another day), but I love being a part of the RICE family.

I’m going to be writing a lot more posts on RICE and my internship.

I believe that the reason why I’m an intern is because I am a deep desire to serve God, a desire that was always with me but has only been truly awakened in recent times. This internship is a catalyst that will help me to grow in my faith as well as learn more about the amazing creator of the universe.

One thing that have definitely changed in my life is that I feel the need to read my bible. LOL. I don’t pick up my bible when I’m in church, let alone on a Saturday. But I’m itching to read it and for God to reveal is amazingness and love in the scriptures. That’s really the best way to listen to Him.

The internship, to be honest, is a bit slower than I thought it’d be. It definitely wasn’t what I thought it’d be like- God’s growing me in areas I didn’t even think of.

But it taught me that I need to take initiative. If it’s not teaching me what I expected it would, then take the initiative to take the learning in my own hands instead of relying on RICE. They say the things you teach yourself are the things you  learn the most efficiently because of the level of intrinsic motivation involved.

That’s something that I’m going to keep in mind as I keep on during my internship and explore this amazing time of my life.

See you in the next post.

Thanks for stopping by.

If anyone’s had experience being an intern or a newbie, please give me your advice in the comments section below. Thanks and have a great weekend.

 

 

 

The ones who have died

My heart is in pain,
Heavy weighing like an anchor
When I think of these children whom I do not know
Stuck in a war between adults
Yearning for their family back,
For peace back
And who am I to write about this and their sorrows?
For I do not know them and I can’t help.

Praise be those who has suffered and entered
The mouth of death
The shallow grave of defeat and loss,
Who have risked their lives so that their children may live,
The children whom have died in this insensible war
Makes me think of what we could’ve done in these five years

Don’t worry, for it will be over soon,
And you can always have a new home in a different place,
Don’t long for the old,
Reach for something new,
Something good and you will find it
Reaching back for you too.

President of Sudan

A limerick…

There once was a man in Sudan
Who fought a war not yet done
It was between his vice president who wanted power
Nobody could’ve ended the war sooner

But when it is over there’ll be fun
Although for me, I think I’ll stay in Ugan!

*note: Ugan=Uganda

A small gift

“A small donation can change a child’s life.”

Trying to think of a clever line that can express
How I truly feel
About the present you’ve given me, with your
Note about how it’s something small but to a
Kid like me, means the world. Why,
You might ask, does it matter so much? It’s because of the power
Of words, the flow of ink on paper as I express my
Undying gratitude to you.

From the bottom
Of my heart, I say that you have given me a
Reminder that I’m loved no matter how cruel the world is.

That there is always
Hope as long as I keep believing till the
End of my days.

Precious is this gift you’ve given me and
Everyday I’ll cherish this even after there’s
Nothing else to say.